Fishing. v. – A ritual “nice guys” often have to resort to in order to catch a girl’s attention.
Have you ever noticed that many girls date jerks? Well if you are a nice guy and you have been wondering this, I have some tips for you. You must learn to master the art of fishing, and I don’t mean for delicious bass. The first step to fishing is putting yourself out there. Dress nice, smell good, act confident (confidence is key) and when you find a girl you may be interested in, talk to her. After she gets to know you a bit she is probably thinking “this is a pretty cool guy, he is fun to talk to, dresses nice, and smells good” now is when you make your second move—ask her out, in a nonchalant, off-hand kind of way. She will probably say yes, but let me warn you, during the date she will begin thinking “This guy is really nice (warning bells should be going off at this point) but I’m just not sure that I like him in that way and I don’t want to hurt his feelings” if you know she is thinking this then you are still one step ahead of her. Now that you have presented the bait (you are the bait) and she is thinking about whether she wants to take it or not, you need to take the bait out of reach. Don’t call her. If you see her, be nice, but not interested. Flirt with other girls. By doing this you will be using her natural insecurities to your advantage. You see, if you act this way the girl will begin to think “Wait a minute, he really is a cool guy. Why does he seem disinterested? Is there something wrong with me? A girl would be lucky to be with this guy, why am I not the lucky girl?” Now is the time to start the cycle all over again. You can ask her out again, and this time she will probably give you more of a chance. You will probably have to repeat the process several times before you really have her hooked however. Once she is hooked though you are free to be the nicest guy in the world, and she will still like you, because for most of us, once we are hooked we are hooked.
Have you ever noticed that many girls date jerks? Well if you are a nice guy and you have been wondering this, I have some tips for you. You must learn to master the art of fishing, and I don’t mean for delicious bass. The first step to fishing is putting yourself out there. Dress nice, smell good, act confident (confidence is key) and when you find a girl you may be interested in, talk to her. After she gets to know you a bit she is probably thinking “this is a pretty cool guy, he is fun to talk to, dresses nice, and smells good” now is when you make your second move—ask her out, in a nonchalant, off-hand kind of way. She will probably say yes, but let me warn you, during the date she will begin thinking “This guy is really nice (warning bells should be going off at this point) but I’m just not sure that I like him in that way and I don’t want to hurt his feelings” if you know she is thinking this then you are still one step ahead of her. Now that you have presented the bait (you are the bait) and she is thinking about whether she wants to take it or not, you need to take the bait out of reach. Don’t call her. If you see her, be nice, but not interested. Flirt with other girls. By doing this you will be using her natural insecurities to your advantage. You see, if you act this way the girl will begin to think “Wait a minute, he really is a cool guy. Why does he seem disinterested? Is there something wrong with me? A girl would be lucky to be with this guy, why am I not the lucky girl?” Now is the time to start the cycle all over again. You can ask her out again, and this time she will probably give you more of a chance. You will probably have to repeat the process several times before you really have her hooked however. Once she is hooked though you are free to be the nicest guy in the world, and she will still like you, because for most of us, once we are hooked we are hooked.
12 comments:
Nate and I couldn't agree more completely. It's exactly how he hooked me.
I agree with most of what you've described:
1. Nice girls often date jerks, to the puzzlement of nice guys
2. We should dress nice, smell good and act confident
3. We should be willing to put ourselves out there. I've often said to myself: "You can't pick the fruit unless you go out on a limb."
4. We should talk to girls
5. We should ask out the girls that interest us
6. We must use a pole, line and a barbed, treble hook smothered in cheese to get them to pay attention
I take exception to two parts:
1. Warning bells going off. The warning bell gene is missing from the Y chromosome. Warning bells don't go off for us. A fleet of wailing fire trucks carrying boxes of crash cymbals through a mine field might get our attention... but lil' ol' bells will never make a dent in our senses.
2. The middle part... it grates on me. I don't like playing the game for the sake of playing game. I don't dispute that the chase-and-follow happens, nor do I think it's bad, but it's so frustrating that many girls play it just because they think they have to.
I think it's the forcing things to happen that I don't like. All the successful stories I've heard don't follow a play-book -- they just happen. To say they just happen is not to say that those involved didn't think about, or plan, or struggle to make it work. But the artificial (perhaps societally-imposed) roadblocks, or feigned coyness or whatever you wanna call it is just irritating.
Does this view make sense? I'm trying to be objective.
Matt, I understand where you are coming from, and I agree...games shouldn't have to be played. I hate playing games. In a perfect world we would just be completely up front and honest, but.... we don't live in a perfect world, and the only way I can stop myself from becoming an insanely depressed person, or just insane, is to poke fun at all the stupid things we do, myself inculded. I hate playing games, but to tell you the truth I often find myself passing nice guys up for not-so-nice guys. I really want a nice guy in the end, honestly I do, so if that nice guy is willing to "go fishing" I would appreciate it, becuase then I would stop biting all the lousy hooks and maybe bite a good one!
Mandy -
I've been waiting for this post for some time now. And I enjoyed every word of it. But let's come clean. You hate playing games? I think you love it. You live to play the game - let's admit that and move on. This is a comment most girls make - "I hate playing the game." This is a lie. If this was true, there would be no game playing. Girls say it because they have to; otherwise they would be marked as a "player" (ironically) and they wouldn't get as much playing time. So when a girl says, "I hate playing the game" it really means "I love the game, but I refuse to admit it." You see, these games are programmed in the second X chromosome. And this is where I disagree with Matt - they don't feel like they have to play - they want to play. Saying they hate playing the game is really an important part of the game, you see. Mind you, too often it ends up being a zero-sum game, with no winners in the end.
Matt, it boggles my mind that you have managed to stay single for so long. In a functional world (it doesn't even have to be a perfect or ideal world), you would not be single. And this is my problem with the games we are forced to play. It too often gets the wrong results. We see people who have no business being together end up together (and stay together) because of the game. When I have a daughter in the future (hopefully), you (Matt) would be the kind of man I would wish my daughter to date and marry. There should be girls waiting in line just for a chance to go on dates with you. I blame the game - the system is clearly broken.
All this, of course, from a single guy who has had no luck (or better put, no skills at the game) with girls whatsoever.
But to sum up Mandy's argument: guys need to be able to take advantage of a girl's insecurity about herself to settle for you - thus the repeated fishing around is required. Otherwise her vanity will run amuck, refusing to accept a good thing when she sees one. Did I get that right?
Dan,
I see that I have taught you well. I feel I am betraying my fellow females by letting this information out, but I also feel that perhaps if this information is spread around maybe we will finally realize that it is true and try to put things to rights. Since discovering this sad phenomenon for myself I have been doing much introspection. So far it hasn't gotten me far, but I am an eternal optomist. It is not that I want my insecurities to be exploited, and I really do consciously hate playing the game (even though you will never believe me Dan), but I have realized that my unconscious mind and my conscious mind are not in sync with one another. I don't know how to fix it, so I just have to laugh at it. While I try to fix the problem, I give all you males out there permission to use this information in the way you feel is most helpful for you!
My thoughts on fishin'
First of all, I have been out of the fishin scene for 4 years so my perspective may be somewhat skewed, but how I see it, goin' fishin' can happen quite naturally without much pomp and circumstance.
We have all probably had at one point in time pined for someone who did not recipricate or had someone pine for us and we didn't have that lovin feelin'. How does this always happen? we think. Why can't the person I like, like me? This takes us right to the middle part that grates matt, or what I like to call "jiggin the bait." If you are a real fisherman you'll know what I'm talking about. When it comes to fishin, static, non moving bait is boring, regardless of how handsome, beautiful or good smelling that bait may be. So as bait, we must jig. How do we jig? Well that is different for everyone, I have a buddy who is an expert jigger, but his jig only works for him. For many, this is where the jerk card works. Mind you it is not to actually be a jerk, but simply doing something to change how the other person looks at you. Mandy gave some examples, but really the required parameter is unpredictable. Think about when someone has liked you and you did not like them, when you saw them you would quickly plan out an exit strategy and try and execute. You were unpredictable, and this probably only made them like you more. This element is crucial when seeking another's affection.
The only motto I have from personal experience is to say "What would Bond do." An example. It is his/her birthday and you have the perfect small gift. As the dorks we are, we would probably want to go all out, maybe like a birthday breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What would Bond do? He'd stop by at like 10:30pm and confidently wish them a happy birthday with said gift. He would then ask how the day went, listen intently and at the first sign of break in conversation he'd be gone. I have know idea what the difference is in the recipient's thought process, but I have had profoundly better results with Bond in mind.
My last comment about fishin' is about setting the hook. This is an often overlooked step. They may have swallowed your bait, but if you don't set the hook, at the slightest disturbance they will take off, usually taking your bait and leaving you with a pitiful empty hook. Unfortunely there is no one way to set a hook. I think it should be an activity that innately is not that exciting but as Bond, you make it the best date ever. What I mean is anyone would go on a date with you if you are taking them to the "Roof" restarunt, or to a U2 concert. It has to be something that if it were not for you, they might not accept. My favorite is to actually go fishing. Worst case scenario, it rains, you catch nothing, but you have to cuddle to stay warm. Best case scenarios are endless, I mean you're in the great outdoors, enjoying nature, who knows... she might even catch a fish with a diamond ring in its mouth and save you a whole lot of planning! Either way, the hook is set when you are alone together and can sit in peaceful subline silence. We often ruin it by talking too much, so again, be like Bond, and just be calm, be smooth.
Once the hook is set, that is when you can do whatever you want. Sweat pants, fanny packs, gain a little weight, complain about stuff, dork it up to your little hearts delight. I sure have and I've loved every minute of it.
Mark -
This is why you're married and I'm not. I have lacked the jiggle and the hook this whole time.
Thanks guru... I'm walking away thinking, "What would Bond do? WWBD?..."
Hmmm....Hmmm....Hmmm...I wonder who the culprit really is here. The innocent fisherman with delicious bait that the fish take one nibble of and swim off, or the stupid fish who in the end, deliberately choose the rotten bait? Hmmm... Sad to be the stupid fish because one day, all the good bait will be gone! Not all fish like to play games! :)
Ouch, trust Annie to come out and tell it to me straight!
Dan, you're very kind... and wise... and... single like me :) Maybe we should turn this fishing analogy into more of a martial arts kinda thing: dating is like breaking bricks with your forehead. Whaddya think?
Mark, I like the Bond idea... if only doing things was half as easy as knowing to do them.
And Annie, thanks for the hope -- you're sure? There's some out there that don't force the game?
Not to completely discredit my previous comment, but I'd have to agree with Annie. With Jenny, there was no deliberate fishing, except for actually going fishing on occasion. But in the jig's defense, it has worked on many an unsuspecting lassie. And Mandy, sorry to leave you stranded but to date I have nothing but the highest opinion of Annie's opinion. Whatever she says, AMEN!
Don't worry Mandy. I will start filling a fish tank at my house for you to live in, just in case my theory is correct. LOVE YA!
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